Today's quickies.....

Marks and Spencer....................................
This isn't just any P45...............................
This P45 comes lovingly wrapped in a crisp white envelope
With gorgeously detailed fine writing!

I had a wet dream about my ex the other day......
He was drowning!!!!

Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.
I nearly choked on my latte.

Do you ever find that when looking after toddler, you have the same conversations as when looking after your drunk friend after a night out?
1. What's wrong dude, why are you crying?
2. What is he saying? I dunno, what are you saying?
3. Are you hungry? Do you think he wants to eat?
4. Come on, try to walk...he can't walk
5. Oh my god he threw up
6. Why is he naked? Who took his clothes off? Did you take your clothes off?

I was playing Yahtzee against the Grim Reaper the other day......
Talk about dicing with death!!
(dicing with death ....... heh I slay me!)

What can you usually find in a man's trousers that is about 6 inches long, has a head, and women like to blow?
A £20 note.

I'm not normally a supporter of Maggie Thatcher but nowadays I believe the poll tax could have worked.
It would amuse me greatly to see all these builders paying for my pension.

A friend of mine got a new girlfriend , Muslim , nice girl.
She kept going on about a blow job and he wasn't sure whether to get excited or warn London Transport.......

Top Tip for the Guys::
Fill your inflatable sex doll with helium so that you still get some of the thrill of the chase.