You can tell it's going to be a bad day when.........

You wake up - face down on the pavement

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold

You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles

Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party but there aren't any

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city

Your twin sister forgets your birthday

You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize you don't have a waterbed

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of hells angels on the freeway

Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and YOU have a headache

Your boss tells you to not bother taking off your coat

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard

You wake up and your braces are locked together

You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your panty hose

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife

Your income tax check bounces

You put both contact lenses in the same eye

Your pet rock snaps at you

Your wife says "Good morning Bill", and your name is George.